my birth was not mattered of celebration parents were disappointed to see a girl so the moment I was born, right from the arrival on this planet, I face rejection My teacher got so pissed off she started shouting at me and she started scolding me and I still remember she said You such a loser, you can't utter a single English word properly The best way to develop self-love is to give contribute unconditionally. If somebody like we can accomplish this, anybody and everyone can accomplish. It's possible I was born in Punjabi middle-class family in Kashmir. Since I was first born, my parents were expecting a son but then I came So my birth was not a matter of celebration. My parents were disappointed to see a girl I still remember, my father, mentioning during my early childhood that when you are born I was so disappointed that I cured my moustache down.
The idea that I was exposed to while growing up were that a girl is a liability, that a girl does not have ability to carry the family lineage forward and this attitude this mindset was beyond my understanding, I used to wonder why is a girl is not celebrated why she is not welcome when she is born why she is considered a liability and what is this all about carrying the family lineage forward what is this really mean so the moment I was born right from my arrival on this planet. I face rejection All I wanted was acceptance and the only way for me to get that acceptance was to do whatever my parents wanted me to do. To be the person that they wanted me to be Due to their own circumstances my parents they could not complete their education, so the only dream they had for me was to study well to shine in academic, to get into nice secure reasonable nice job and live a secure life and of course get married that was their dream for me and their dream was my dream.
So I end up becoming a recluse a social recluse, a loner and a complete book one So the belief that I grew up with were that I am ugly, I am liability I am unwanted. All these beliefs made me feels really really inferior made me feel that I am not good enough I had these ingrained beliefs in myself that I am looser, I cannot please anybody, nobody can expect me for who I am I remember this one incident which happened when I was in second standard There was this English recitation test happening in my class and English was my weak point because I came from the Punjabi family we used to speak in Hindi So I was not very conversant with English, So I was really scared and the recitation test started, and I started reciting the point and I kept flumbing kept forgetting the line I was stuttering my teacher got so pissed off she started shouting at me and she started scolding me I still remember she told me you know what, you are such a loser you can't utter a single word properly you can never speak good English, you can never write good English and speaking in public something you should never try as if all of this is not enough, she called one of her favorite student and ask her to slap tightly on my face.
Hello, everybody. I'm going to start with a question.And every conversation that you haveafter that moment, the link gets stronger and stronger. And every day each one of usmeets so many strangers: the grocery guy, the cab guy maybe the receptionistat a new office you went to. And with every conversationwe build new links. Until finally at the end, we've created a kind of massiveWorld Wide Web of conversation. World Wide Web. It's a catchy word.I think I've heard that somewhere. That's it, right? A conversation.It's a fascinating thing. A conversation is an adventure. A conversation gives youa whole new perspective. A conversation opens a door. Conversations can make warand conversations can make peace.Think about this. Every single person in your lifewas once a stranger to you. And you knew nothing about themuntil you had that first conversation.
So I'm here today to tell youto talk to strangers, to have a conversation. And I'm here to tell you how. Seven ways that you can makea conversation with almost anyone.I do. I love it. And I'm so glad that I do it for a living. Here's what my day is like. Every single morning,I go into an empty room, I put on a mic, and I have a conversationwith 1.6 million people ... that I can't see. Yeah. You know what the hardest part is, though? It's time. That's all the talk there is. And in 20 minutes I have to convince youthat I am your best friend. How do I do that? How do I establish a connection? I have 20 minutes to inform you,to excite you, to engage with you but most importantly, 20 out of the 20 timesthat I switch on that mic, I have to leave a smile on your face. Except, I can't see you,I know nothing about you, and I have no wayof gauging your reactions. How do you do it?How do you talk to a stranger? Well, my nine years in radiohave taught me these simple little tricks. Strangers, they are everywhere. And we've always been told,"Don't talk to strangers!" But I beg to differ. Every stranger comes with an opportunity, an opportunity to learn something new, an opportunity to have an experienceyou've never had or hear a story that you'venever heard before.
And you've had that moment, right? You're in the roomwith someone you don't know, and you look across the room,you see a stranger, and you think, "I want to talk to this person." And you can almost hear the first wordbut it just won't come out, it kind of gets stuck about here, it kind of goes up and down and you don't know - You know what? Here's my advice: just say it. What's the worst that can happen? They want to talk to you.Well, they're not talking to you now. The first word floodgates. I truly believe that the first wordacts as a floodgate. You know, once you said the first wordeverything else just flows. So keep it simple.goingto be that strange moment right now. Turn to someone sitting next to you,stick your hand out and say hello. Go on. (Laughter) I love the awkward laughter. "Why is she making us do this?" The first word floodgates. You know, here's a challengewe face every day. Time. We have 90 seconds on radio, and we have to make that conversationwith a stranger memorable. So how do you do it? What's the biggest challenge? Honestly, if we get stuck in the rut of: "Hi!" "Hey!" "How are you?" "I'm fine." "What's going on?" "Nothing much." "Same old." "So tell me what's new?"So, here's my advice: skip the small talkand ask a really personal question.
And don't be afraid. Trust me. You will be surprised how much peopleare willing to share if you just ask. So ask any kind of personal question. Maybe: Interesting name. How did your parents think of it?Is there a story behind it? Or ... How long have you lived in this city? And do you rememberthe first day you landed here? Answers to those questionsare always something unique, always something personal.And where does your family live? Unfailingly, every single timeI sit in a cab, I do this. I ask that question. Where do you come from?And where does your family live? Let me tell you a little story. I was coming home one night ... I get into this taxi, open the door,sit down and I say, "Where are you from?Where does your family live?" And the 60-year-old Pakistanicab-driver goes on to tell me all about his life in Peshawar. We talked about politics, we talked about music,family, wife, his farm. And 20 minutes later he is convincedthat I am the perfect bride for his 26-year-oldcollege-educated son from Peshawar. (Laughter) And as I'm getting out of the taxi, he is taking out a passport-sizedphotograph with this look of enthusiasm.
I have to say, it was a verydifficult goodbye.And that is a warning. (Laughter) Step three. Find the "me too"s. Have you ever met someone who starts a conversationlike they're starting a debate? Nothing killsa conversation like a negative. When you meet someone for the first time make an effort to find the one thing that you and that other personmight have in common. When you start at that pointand then move outward from there, you will find that all of a suddenthe conversation becomes a lot easier. And that's because both of you suddenlyare on the same side of something. And that's a really powerful feeling. Now, what could you possibly havein common with a stranger you ask? Could be anything, right? You're both in the same placeat the same time, maybe you're from the same country, maybe you both like the winter or you're longing for it to rain. I don't know, you'd find something. When you find a "me too," you automatically have a kind ofbuy-in from the other person. Trust me, that's helpful. Pay a unique compliment. I read somewherethat people will forget what you do, and they'll forget what you say, but they will never forgethow you made them feel. So be generous. And go out and give someonea nice full compliment.
So, I have this beliefabout a "compliment immunity meter", and it comes from this experience I had when I met this gorgeous supermodel. And I look at her and I say, "Wow! You are beautiful!" And there is no reaction on her face. And I think to myself, "How?" And if she's on social media, she's heard it a million times today. There are some words that each of ushave developed an immunity to.Try and construct a complimentthat's unique and genuine, and you don't have to lie. Really. When you look at someone and say, "I love how when you smile, it's like your nose smiles,and then your eyes smile, and your ears smile,even your forehead smiles and suddenly, the whole personis just smiling." You see, I hope that's a complimentyou're not going to forget for a while. Pay a unique and genuine compliment. Ask for an opinion. All of us have opinions; trust me. So go on and ask for an opinion, and that's when youopen up a two-way street. That is when the real communication begins, and you will be surprisedhow much you can pick up about a person just by asking their opinionon something pretty generic. Here's a mistake that some people make. They ask your opinionabout something really difficult. It feels almost intimidating.
I feel like I might fail,and this is an examination, and that's the lesson. Nobody needs to failat a first-time conversation. Just ask something simple.Keep it generic. How do you like your coffee? When did you watch your last movie?What did you think of it?There's a difference.Be present. I know you've been through this. I know I have. You're pouring your heart out to someone, and they are like this, "Yeah, yeah, go on, keep talking. I can multitask! What's with Wi-Fi?" Just be wholeheartedly present, just be there. And - oh! - my favorite part:make eye contact. Trust me, eye contactis where all the magic happens. You can feel the conversation. And trust me, when youare looking at someone in the eye, nine out of ten times,they will not dare look away, right? (Laughter) Now, if only I could lookinto the eyes of 1.6 million people, I would not have to worry about you guystuning out during the ad breaks. That brings me to this, my favorite pointbecause I think it's got a catchy name. Name, place, animal, thing. You remember that game? Remember the little detailsabout a person. Remember their name.It's so important. It's awful when you meet someonefor 18th time, and you say, "You must be Paul, no Peter.Something with the P and it ends with ..." It's terrible. Remember someone's nameand say it back to them. You have no idea how importantyou're making them feel, and that's not the only detail. Remember all the other details as well. The places they like to go to,the places they've been to, the places they want to go to,their pet's names. How their pet's been feeling lately?The things they like. Remember their children's names,that's such a winner. Remember their wife's names,their girlfriend's names. Just don't mix up the last twobecause that could be disastrous. (Laughter) Remember these little things about peopleand repeat it back to them, ask be genuinely interested, and automatically you kind ofbecome an investor in their well-being, so they'll feel responsible to youto keep that conversation going. There we go.
Seven amazing ways that you canmake conversation with anyone, and seven reasonswhy you should use the break that's going to come up to talkto a stranger that you don't know. I'm going to end with this analogy. A conversation is like reading a book.You can flip to your favorite chapter. And it saddens me so much that entire human livesare being boiled down to 140 characters and catchy headlines. Because that's not what we are. We are not abridged versions. We are entire human stories. We deserve more from each other. So what are you going to doin this big world we call the library? Are you going to walk around, look at the hard bound copiesand read the titles? Or are you going to actuallyreach for a book, open a page and start reading a story? You decide.
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